Your baby is now around four months old and you are getting ready for work. You kiss your little one goodbye and hand her over to your helper. You watch in dismay as your baby bursts into tears and reaches for you. You are thrown with a flood of emotions: guilt, anxiety, sadness.
Separation anxiety in babies can be very distressing for both parents and baby. It refers to the intense anxiety some little ones experience when their parents (especially mum) try to leave them with another caregiver. However, you should know that separation anxiety is a normal part of development – there are valid reasons for it, and ways to handle it so that it is less stressful for both baby and parents.
You’ve probably played peek-a-boo with your baby before and noticed that as you cover your face with your hands, your baby might have looked worried or even started to cry. When you revealed your face again, your baby probably smiled and looked relieved to know you were still there. Your baby’s behaviour here is linked to learning about “object permanence.”
As babies approach seven or eight months, they start to understand that things and people exist even when they cannot be seen. However, since they don’t understand the concept of time yet, they don’t know when you will be back when you are away – regardless if it is to the bathroom or office for work. This can cause some babies to experience anxiety that might intensify between the ages of eight and 12 months.1
Not all babies get separation anxiety and how long it lasts in those who do depends on the child’s temperament and how the parents handle it. For some children, separation anxiety may even last into their preschool or primary school years.1
Separation anxiety in babies can be very stressful for mothers and leave you with mixed emotions. It is a perfectly normal part of your child’s development and the signs of a wonderful mother-child relationship based on love and bonding. On the other hand, seeing your child so distressed can leave you quite upset. You may feel guilty about taking time for yourself or returning to work. You might feel frustrated and overwhelmed at your baby’s seemingly constant need for you. And you might feel unbearable sadness to seeing your child’s distress. Ultimately, you should remember that this is just a phase and it will pass, as difficult as separation anxiety is for both of you.
It can be challenging for both baby and mum to deal with separation anxiety but there are some steps you can take to make things easier for both. 2
All in all, separation anxiety is a challenge that both mother and child have to deal with. Just keep in mind that it’s an essential part of development and serves as an important milestone in your special journey of motherhood.
References:
1 KidsHealth. Separation Anxiety. Accessed on 28th February, 2022 from https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/sep-anxiety.html
2 Swanson, S. How to ease your child’s separation anxiety. HealthyChildren.org. Accessed on 28th February, 2022 from https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/Pages/Soothing-Your-Childs-Separation-Anxiety.aspx
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